yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
