This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
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