last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
You took a bar mat shot.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
