Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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