how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
So much Jack, so little girl.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
