ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
