okay pat passed out under dana's car
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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