Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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