WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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