I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
