The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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