I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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