Quick, to the slutcave!
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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