Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
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