Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
