I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
