blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
