I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
