New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
