Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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