Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
