I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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