so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
