it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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