I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
