sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
