ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
