The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
