sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
