you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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