Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
