I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I want to have your abortion
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
two words...techno handjob
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Randomize
