I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I want to fling myself into the sun
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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