i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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