I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
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