i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
