We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
