i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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