I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
