So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
