She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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