how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
