How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
