What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
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