omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
