Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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