I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
