I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
