Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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