How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
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