hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
