dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
