That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
