I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
No stitches, just platelets and will power
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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