I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Randomize
