His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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