Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
