I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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