i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
MIDGETS
????
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
