Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
